The greatest human achievement of the twentieth century.

When I was in Los Angeles, I took a standardized test that would certify me to teach high school. The test had three sections: Reading Comprehension, Math, and Writing.

One of the prompts in the Writing section was, "What is the greatest human achievement of the twentieth century?"

I was a little paralyzed by the scope of the question, but by the end, I was proud of my essay. So proud, in fact, that I've re-written it here.

Humankind had an especially productive twentieth century. When comparing feats like the isolation of penicillin, Apollo 11's moon landing, and the creation of the internet, it is difficult to exalt one above the others. Fortunately, these paltry successes are dwarfed by an achievement that will no doubt be remembered as our legacy to nature, itself. This triumph is the Rainier cherry, and it is the most perfect fruit on Earth.

This is evident in every aspect, starting with its surface. Its skin has the colors of a sunset along the Pacific Coast Highway: a sharp red smearing into a weary gold. This brilliant complexion is wrapped beneath the shine of a regular old cherry skin, so that observers won't get too overwhelmed. This shows that the Rainier is not only beautiful, but also considerate.

It is as considerate to the eyes as it is, to the tongue. Its flesh is firm, like a less fibrous pineapple, or a dryer watermelon. Its juice is sweet. This is not to say that it is eye twitchingly saccharine, like a peach, but rather, it has the muted sweetness of a pear. The taste is balanced out with a creamy flavor that is more easily compared to yogurt than fruit.

Its quality is matched by its quantity. While its pit is the size of a regular cherry pit, the Rainier is the size of a ping pong ball. This girth not only fills stomachs, but also prevents waste. They are sold in bags that are the same size as bags filled with grapes. Unlike grapes--which get moldy before the twentieth serving--Rainier cherries are so large that they can be eaten in two servings, flat. They are not only beautiful and delicious, they are also economical.

Above all else, the greatest aspect of the Rainier cherry is that it isn't natural. It is a hybrid, a cultivar of a Bing cherry and a Van cherry. It was bred in 1952 by a scientist at Washington State University.

Here, then, is a case where man played God, without being punished for his hubris. To humankind, the Rainier cherry is a symbol of purest optimism. If we can create such a perfect fruit, imagine what we can do with the world.

I got my test results back a few weeks later. I aced Reading Comprehension. Math, I bombed, but I was only trying to teach high school, so they passed me anyway. And Writing...

...well, if I bombed Math, then I nuked Writing. It was gruesome.

My best guess is that the reader finished the first paragraph, said, "'Rainier cherries?' Get the fuck outta here!" and threw my test in the trash.

Or maybe he just preferred Maraschinos.