It turned into a concert hall blitz.

My mother and I went to the symphony on Saturday. It was delightful...until they played the Radetzky March.



The piece was charming, but, well...the audience started clapping along.

I leaned over to my mom, rolled my eyes, and whispered, "What a bold percussive choice, on Herr Strauss' part."

After two minutes, the audience realized they'd been clapping for two minutes, and started to peter out.

"I wish the orchestra would stop playing their instruments," I snarled. "I can hardly hear the clapping."

Finally the music ended, and the clapping blossomed into applause.

"We're watching a musical evolution. After all, applause is just improvised clapping," I observed.

"Seriously, fuck this audience," I added.

After the symphony, I Wikipedia'd the Radetzky March. Apparently audiences have been clapping along with it since its debut in 1848.

There are plenty of things to hate about the symphony. For one thing, you're not supposed to applaud between movements.

For a second thing, a lot of people don't know you're not supposed to applaud between movements.

For a third thing, the people who don't know they're not supposed to applaud between movements seem really happy to express their happiness when they applaud between movements.

But a march that institutionalizes clapping?

Fuck you, Johann Strauss, Sr. You're aiding the enemy.