At this point...

...I've spent most of my fucking life writing a screenplay called Awestruck.

It's a buddy comedy between God and a skeptic. This will be my last draft, for better or worse.

I'd like to share the backstory with you. Let's start at the beginning, shall we?


IN THE BEGINNING, there was GOD.

He had freckles, and he was the only thing that existed anywhere.

Since there was no one else to compare himself with, he didn’t know that he was short, his hair was greasy, and that he was actually kinda dumb.

He did know one thing: he was lonely. Fortunately, God was omnipotent! He made himself a friend, and he named his friend ADAM.

Adam didn’t have freckles, and he was tall, and he had downy hair, and he was very, very smart. Unfortunately, Adam’s body would crap out on him in a few decades.

It was a lousy design, but we’ll see that it was probably God’s finest work.

Adam and God made the best of their time together. They shared a mutual interest: creating the Universe. Adam, being much smarter, designed things, and then God used his omnipotence to realize them. This process yielded a bunch of swell stuff, like gravity and nuclear fusion and raspberries.

But Adam’s weak body required him to sleep. To pass this restless time, God began to design his own creations. The results ranged from comical (like the narwhal, a whale with a horn on its head) to tragic (flightless birds that have hollow, brittle bones, and flying mammals with dense, heavy bones).

Even though God’s creations came out shitty, Adam couldn’t help feeling betrayed, and...well...inadequate. He could only design, but not create. He wanted an equal. So he designed one, and he named her EVE.

God was threatened by Eve. He just knew Adam designed her to replace him. So God set to work on a Divine Plan to win Adam back...