The Creation of the Pyramid.

A new sketch!



EXT. THE SAHARA DESERT - DAY

The Pharaoh’s Royal Transport treks through the sand. A CAPTION explains that we’re in pre-historic Egypt.

INSIDE THE TRANSPORT, a PHARAOH sits with his ARCHITECT.

PHARAOH
This is your last chance, Simpkins. You’ve been a lousy architect.

ARCHITECT
I still say my second pyramid was fine.

PHARAOH
It was made out of sticks.

ARCHITECT
But it was sturdier than the straw pyramid, wasn’t it?

PHARAOH
Look, I want a pyramid that won’t blow over--

ARCHITECT
Don’t blame me--blame the wolf!

PHARAOH
--and if this third pyramid isn’t an improvement, I’ll have you executed.

ARCHITECT
(boastful)
When you see this third pyramid, your majesty, you’ll cut off my hands so I can’t make another one.

PHARAOH
For your sake, I hope so.

ARCHITECT
Without further ado, I present you with a pyramid that’s sturdier than straw...sturdier than sticks...behold!

The Architect pulls aside the drape, revealing A HUMAN PYRAMID, comprised of SLAVES.

An assortment of golden treasure lays behind them.

PHARAOH
The feng shui’s off.

ARCHITECT
(to the slaves)
Well, say “hello!”

THE SLAVES
Hello!

The slaves wave, causing the pyramid to collapse.

The Pharaoh is unimpressed, but the Architect gestures to the slaves, who are climbing back into pyramid formation.

ARCHITECT
See? They’re self-repairing, so the pyramid’ll last!

PHARAOH
It’s not really the shape I want.

ARCHITECT
They can do others!

The Architect blows a whistle. The slaves break apart the pyramid and perform a cheer-leading routine, ending in a K Pyramid (the one that looks like a snowflake).

THE SLAVES
We guard spirits!/Yes, we do!/We guard spirits/’cause we’re Jews!

PHARAOH
Uh huh. And you think the wolf isn’t a threat to this pyramid?

ARCHITECT
Correct! Here’s the wolf now. Just watch their professionalism.

A WOLF trots up to the slaves--who are still frozen in the K Pyramid formation.

The wolf eyes the fattest slave, and licks its chops.

The fattest slave trembles visibly.

The wolf suddenly has a boom-box, and presses ‘Play’ with its snout.

The fattest slave breathes deep, failing to calm himself.

The boom-box plays Gary Glitter’s “Rock ‘n Roll, Pt. 2 (the HEY Song).” The wolf nods its head to the beat.

The fattest slave tries to resist the beat--but despairs, and launches into a cheer-leading routine.

The rest of the slaves follow his lead.

The wolf piles the entire assortment of golden treasure on its back, and trots off into the horizon.

The Pharaoh turns a frosty glare on the Architect.

ARCHITECT (CONT’D)
You have to admit: it’s sturdier than straw and sticks.

PHARAOH
That’s true. I’ll let you choose how you want to be executed.

ARCHITECT
Well, you might as well crush me with those.

The Architect points to a heap of gigantic bricks.

ARCHITECT (CONT’D)
Dunno what else to do with ‘em.